About Me

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I am a very lucky woman with a husband and son who are smart, witty and entertaining. Our son, B, attended public school for two years, and then we embarked on a new adventure in the Fall of 2010 - homeschooling. We don't have all the answers, but we know B and this has been the best thing for him. I blog to preserve our stories and our memories, share recipes, vent and ramble on about our crazy, yet blessed, life. Would you care to follow along?

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31


#31: God

I've saved the most important reason for last.  As the hubs said in Reason #24, God brought us together but He also saved our family.  In 2008, we were unhappy individuals which made for an unhappy couple.  Although we were Christians, neither of us had been active in a Church since B was baptized. The hubs and I each had our own reasons for being miserable with ourselves and that affected the whole household.  I went to the hubs one day in September and told him I'd like us to find a church home.  I felt that if we let God into our home and learned how to have a relationship with Him, that we could be happy and peaceful.  To my surprise, the hubs said he had been thinking the same thing!  God was already working inside of us.

We decided that every Sunday, we would go to a different church in our town and then decide which one we liked the best.  We never made it past the first church.  We felt so welcomed from the moment we walked through the doors.  Someone kindly directed us to the proper Sunday school classroom for B and assisted us with signing him in.  Everyone was so friendly and accepting!  The pastor's sermon spoke exactly to where the hubs and I were at that moment in our lives and gave us tools to help us get out.  We walked out of there with a very happy boy who could not stop talking bout everything he'd learned in Sunday school and feeling like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders.  That week was the best week in our house in a long time.  I'd never had a service experience affect my whole week before!

So we kept going back.  I joined a women's Bible study class and we all relearned about God, things we'd never heard from the churches we'd grown up in.  Our church is Bible-based and has taught us how to get to know God and have a relationship with Him.  They haven't given us a long list of rules and prayers, told us were not worthy to go to God, told us we have to go through others who are more worthy to intercede with God on our behalf.  They've showed us that we are children of God and He wants to be with us and wants us to let Him love us.  

Our whole lives, relationships and family have turned completely around since God has been in our hearts and our home.  Our perspectives, our reactions to challenges that arise, our view on wants vs. needs, what is important in this world and what is not, have all changed.  We were always a good match for each other and had proved over the years we would stand the test of time.  But now we are happier, at peace inside, and no longer worry about those damn Joneses.  ;o)  

I can do all things, through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

The hubs and I have really enjoyed sharing these reasons with you and walking down memory lane this month.  We hope you have, too!

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30

Monday, July 30, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30


#30: Only one of us is allowed to go "up our tree" at a time.

If you have never read the book Couplehood by Paul Reiser the hubs and I highly recommend it.  It is hilarious and very true.  Before we had B, the hubs and I liked to go on long drives in our spare time and at times we've lived in different states as our parents.  So during these car rides, either for pleasure or to visit family, I would read out loud to the hubs.  I am a good out-loud reader.  I can do all kinds of voices and when I know what the author sounds like, I can put their inflection and tone in my reading.  B and the hubs both enjoy it when I read out loud.  Anywho, we had many a good laugh over Couplehood, especially when Mr. Reiser described couples going "up their trees".

"Going up your tree" basically means when you lose it, you freak out.  I'm sure you've all seen (or been) that person who cannot handle a crisis and simply goes up their tree.  This is the character who's usually running around and yelling and then gets slapped by someone in a movie or TV show.  Well, when you're a couple, you both simply cannot freak out at the same time.  One of you has to act as the sane, calm one.  Why?  Because someone has to talk the other out of their tree!  This is a sign of a strong couple, according to Mr. Reiser, and one of the reasons he and his wife, Paula, are good together: only one person goes up there tree at a time.  The other person must talk the tree climber down so then he or she can go up their tree.

The hubs and I are the same way.  There are some specific situations in which the same person goes up their tree.  Other times, it's just whoever gets to their tree first and the other person has to be the calm one, by default.  

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Sunday, July 29, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29


#29: We have been willing to change for each other.

We took and continue to take our vows seriously:
  • To Love
  • Honor
  • Obey
  • 'Till Death Do Us Part
That last one does not seem to be valued much in our current disposable culture.  Till death.  Not till I get bored, not till I find someone better, not till it gets hard, not till we hit a "slump" in the bedroom, not till you intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, and not till my friends or family no longer like you.

We were both in our 20s when we got married.  The people we were then were not the people we became in our 30s nor the people we are now in our 40s.  As individuals, it's normal to grow, mature, make mistakes and learn lessons from them as we get older.  But we both had certain preconceived notions, habits, character traits that were toxic to our relationship.  We've been willing to change them to make the other happy, provide the other with peace of mind, have a healthier relationship and love, honor and obey till death do us part.

As you know from reading earlier reasons, I've had to stop fighting dirty, let go of the need to always be right and keep my mouth shut when the urge to criticize arises.  I've also had to back off and give the hubs his personal physical and mental space when needed and realize that no matter of nagging, begging, yelling nor threatening could make someone quit smoking.

The hubs had to open up and start communicating, tell me what he was thinking and feeling, ask me what I really meant or thought instead of making assumptions, quit smoking, include me in certain decisions and accept that things would not make him happy long-term.

I think one of the biggest changes you can make to ensure the survival and success of your marriage is to give up the list of "deal breakers".  That  list of situations you believe would cause you to leave.  "If he cheated on me, it'd be over!"  You can't make sweeping statements like that.  You really have no idea how you would react, outside of the pain and anger everyone would feel, until you find yourself in that situation.  So throw out the list of situations and it's automatic reactions or punishments.  Meet each situation, challenge, disappointment, betrayal head-on, together, with an open, albeit broken, heart and mind.

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Saturday, July 28, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28


#28: Honesty is not always the best policy. Some things are better kept to yourself.


When we started dating, we didn't do that thing where you ask each other all about past relationships.  I tried, but the hubs told me, "We're not going to do this.  You don't want to know; I don't want to know."  I didn't believe him and begged him to answer a question for me.  He said, "Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer because I am going to tell you the truth."  I asked anyway, he told the truth and he was right - I didn't want to know!  From then on, as long as neither one of had conceived a child or contracted an STD before meeting each other, our pasts were our own to keep.
This also goes for infidelity.  If one of us were to cheat, just once, realized it was a huge mistake and would never do it again, keep it to yourself unless it resulted in the conception of a child or an STD.  The only reason to confess to your spouse is because you feel guilty.  Confessing the truth to your spouse will make you feel better for about 5 seconds and then make your spouse feel awful for a long time.  The trust would be broken and might not be repaired.  Keep it to yourself; the guilt you feel is your punishment, your penance.

Friday, July 27, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27


#27: We don't expect each other to be mind readers.  

You want or need something?  Speak up!  Tell your partner!  If you don't, you have no right to brood or resent them.  You only have yourself to blame.  Women are famous for this!  Men don't get us, don't, no can't, comprehend how women's minds work.  Our thought processes would exhaust them!  The only thing most men stew over are images or a professional sports coach's play decisions.  ;o)  Some women believe that, "...if he really knew me....if he really loved me...he would know what I'm thinking/feeling/wanting/needing."  Men would love to give you exactly what you want or need if you would just tell them.  It's that simple.  We women are always badgering men to communicate, to talk to us about their feelings and what they're thinking, so why shouldn't we reciprocate?

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Thursday, July 26, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26


#26: You have to teach your kids to respect your spouse by respecting her/him yourself.  

This can be a hard one, especially if you're like us.  Each of our parenting styles is different.  What is not a big deal to me is to the hubs and vice versa.  Each of us do fine when alone with B but when we get together and one makes a decision or picks a battle that the other one would not, it's so hard not to step in and override the other.  But you have to try.  We are a work in progress...

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Leftover Wednesday: Dinner Leftovers...for BREAKFAST?!

Yes, peeps, that's how I roll.  Most "breakfast" foods are starches and they don't stick with me but an hour or two, even the ones full of fiber that Weight Watchers swears fills you up for a long time.  My tummy's not built that way, evidently.  When I eat dinner leftovers for breakfast at 8am, I can go until 2pm before I get hungry again and I have plenty of energy.  And I'll eat all leftovers for breakfast - casseroles, pizza, grilled meats, whatever is in the fridge.  So let me tell you about my favorite leftover, Breakfast Hash!

Paula Deen and I have so much in common and one is that we both keep cooked potatoes around as a staple.  We happened to have steak and baked potatoes the night before, so I made sure I cooked extra potatoes.  Dice a baked potato, add to a hot pan with your favorite oil and cook until crispy on all sides.  I used to use butter in my hash but learned from my Uncle Lanny that butter was the reason they didn't crisp up.  You need oil for that!  I also salt, pepper and paprika the potatoes at this time (the paprika was another secret I got from Uncle Lanny).
After the potatoes are crispy all around, or just crispy on one side if you want some softness to your potatoes, add in some diced onion and cook until the onion is as done as you like it.

 Next, if I have other leftover veggies I want in my hash, I'll toss them in after the onions have cooked and before the meat.  They just need a minute or two to warm up; you don't want them overcooked.  Then you throw in whatever leftover meat you had for dinner the night before, diced up.  The smaller you cut it, the quicker it will heat up.  The longer you cook it, the tougher the meat will get, so just a minute or two will heat up diced meat.  Don't be hatin' on the temperature I eat my red meat, y'all!  ;o)
 Ta-da!  Yet another appetizing meal ruined with a crappy picture of the finished product.  LOL  But I eat with my taste buds not my eyes because I have learned from experience that you can't judge a book by it's cover!  This lovely hash was served with a zigzag of ketchup on top and set the tone for a productive and energized day!
 I hope you give breakfast hash a try.  It's a great way to serve breakfast for guests, especially at holiday time.  You always have leftover ham, potatoes and green beans after Easter.  Make a big, one-pot breakfast hash for everyone to eat!  You only have to cook once.  As people awake and stumble into the kitchen at different times, they can scoop themselves out some hash and pop in the microwave to heat up if need be.

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25


#25 If you have kids, they have to know, by example, that they are not the center of your universe.  

(I can't believe I am on my last week of reasons!)

We are a husband and wife, in addition to being parents, and the first is just as important as the second. We need time together without B, whether it be for a conversation, and evening out or an overnight away.  B's wants cannot override needs of mine, the hubs', the family's or the home's and we as adults make those decisions, decide on the priorities, not B.  How many times have you seen another family interacting and thought, "Just who is the parent here and who is the child?" or "Just who is in charge in that family?"

We adults need to charge our batteries by getting out by ourselves or as a couple.  Moms Night Outs and Dads Night Outs are great for that!  As well as making sure you and your partner go out on dates.

Here's another, simple example.  Ben has struggled with interrupting people when he has something to say.  I have always made him wait his turn or until there was a break in my conversation to address him.  I ignored his...

...and hold up my index finger as a signal for him to wait.  Now, when he was 2 - 6 yrs old, that finger didn't mean anything to him or didn't stop him all the time, so sometimes I'd have to interrupt my conversation to tell him to wait.  But now, he gets it.  He's now coming up to me or whomever he wants to talk to and stands there patiently until someone takes a breath.  ;o)  Or he starts talking and then realizes we are in the middle of something.  He'll stop himself, say "Sorry" and wait until he is addressed.  We give him positive feedback for that!

When the hubs comes home for work, sometimes B and I compete for his attention.  We're both happy to see him, we both have things to tell him and we have been known to attack him at the front door.  The hubs greets both of us and then tells B to wait a moment, hold your thoughts, I'll be with you in one minute, but Mommy needs to talk to me first.  That's a huge, important statement to be made to our child.  It wasn't always the case, though...

Because I get all day with B and the hubs did not, he used to be in the habit of interrupting me and turning his attention to B when B wanted it or to discipline B.  Err, that annoyed me!  That showed B he was always more important than me.  The hubs wasn't trying to undermine me or be rude, he just missed his boy and didn't want B to feel like he was unimportant or being ignored.  Thankfully, the hubs was able to find balance and respect for all of us.  :o)

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31


Winner of the More Time Moms Family Organizer 2013 Giveaway



This morning I selected the More Time Moms Family Organizer 2013 Giveaway winner using Random.org and it is Beth!  Congratulations, Beth!  I have sent you an email and require a response in the next two days.  If I do not hear from Beth by Saturday morning, I will be selecting a new winner.

Thank you to everyone who entered!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24


#24: Although we are completely different, we always view it as complementing each other.

We are complete opposites.  He's tall, I'm short.  He's dark, I'm pale.  He's outgoing, I'm shy. (Well, at least I was before I became a mom.  But once you become a mom, if you don't come out of your shell and reach out to others, you'll drown.)  He was a spender, I was a saver.  I grew up with a SAHM, both his parents worked.  I was raised with unconditional love, he was not.  He listed to Enya, I listened to Country. He drank and smoked, I did neither.  (He has been smoke free for several years now and I started drinking like a fish once I became a SAHM.)  He has a great sense of style and takes care with his appearance, I call a day successful if I can get a shower and/or am out of my PJs.    

Although we have been opposites from the beginning in looks, backgrounds and tastes, we've always seen ourselves as complements and a completion of each other.  (We predate Jerry Maguire; the writer got that line from us, not the other way around.)  Every strength the hubs has is a weakness of mine and vice versa.  Every talent he doesn't have, I do.  And we love that!  It's so resourceful now that we're parents.  Whatever questions B has that I can't answer, the hubs can.  Whatever situation arises with B, it's OK if one of us is at a loss on how to deal with it, because the other one knows just what to do.  For example, the hubs deals with all first aide related issues - blood, sprains, falls, bumps, etc. - vomiting and all male-specific "issues" (*shudders* I can't deal with vomiting).  I deal with asthma, pneumonia, colds.  Paul has always been the one to call 911 and greet the EMTs, I've always been the one to pack a bag and ride in the ambulance.  (Thankfully B has not had an ambulance ride in 4 years. I feel like a factory foreman, writing the number of days without an accident on the big wipe-off board for everyone to see.)

I'm sure you've heard it said that "opposites attract" and also "that which attracts you to a person will eventually become that which annoy the hell out of you and you're on a mission to change them".  We've had moments like those!  But you can't change someone else.  Reality really is perception, so we keep the perception of complements.  

I was in a bad relationship before I met the hubs - abusive and controlling.  The guy I was seeing told me to go work in a bank, so I did.  After I got out of that relationship, the bank I was working for got bought out, I was laid off and went to work for another financial institution.  On the 1st day of work at this new place, I met the hubs!  After we got engaged, I said to the hubs, "You know, as bad as my last relationship was, without it I'd never have met you.  I would never have gone to work in the finance industry since my background was hospitality.  Everything happens for a reason."  The hubs replied, "You're wrong.  No matter who either of us worked for, no matter where we lived or what we did, we would have found each other.  God picked us out for each other a long time ago, Jessie, and He brought us together when we were finally ready for each other.  He knew you were the yin to my yang, plain and simple."

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Monday, July 23, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons the Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23


#23: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  

This ties in with Reason #17, "just because it isn't done my way doesn't mean it's done wrong,"  Even if you don't think you are criticizing ("I'm just making a comment, a suggestion," my dad always said), it's received as a criticism.  Speaking my mind might make me feel better for about 5 seconds but can make the hubs feel worthless or angry the rest of the day.  A perfect example occurred last night.

B started a week of "drop-off" camp this morning and although I signed him up over a month ago and I have been excited for it, last night I started getting anxious.  I expressed my anxiety to the hubs - all the kids are to bring their own snacks, B has a food allergy, I don't know who the county has hired to run this camp, do they know how to administer an epi-pen, etc.  The hubs' response was, "Well, why don't you stay in the parking lot and keep an eye on things?"  I reminded him it is a 3-hour camp and that would be pretty boring and hot to sit in a parking lot that long.

The hubs went upstairs to get ready for bed and lay out his clothes for tomorrow while I worked on yesterday's blog post.  He came back down and said, "Now I'm concerned about him going to this camp.  I didn't know it was going to be 3 hours, outside in this heat.  I thought it was only an hour each day."  I instantly got defensive and wanted to say, "You may not remember it was 3 hours long, but I told you a number of times, plus it's written on the calendar for you to see."  But that would accomplish nothing but putting us at odds.  And it would be pretty hypocritical of me because I have a terrible memory and forget important stuff all the time; the hubs should not be expected to remember every time detail of plans I make for B.

So I said nothing.  I turned back around to the computer and finished my post.  Regardless of our differences in reasons, we were both anxious about the well being of our son.  I needed to focus on being united in that and not turn on the hubs by making a snarky and inappropriate comment to divide us.  This morning, we worked together on the phone about stressing the importance of staying hydrated to B (he is not good at doing that on his own) and me asking all the questions I needed to of the camp counselors to ensure my confidence in them.

The hubs just called me to check in, so I read him this post to make sure he's OK with me putting it up (I've done that with all of these "Reason" posts).  After I finished he said, "Thanks, Mama, for not saying anything snarky to me last night.  I love you."  And there's the payoff!  :o)

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Sunday, July 22, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22


#22: We tell each other "I love you" several times each and every day.  

This one's going to be short and sweet.  I left the house yesterday morning and got back a little bit ago to find the A/C has decided to take a day off.  It's over 90 degrees in the bedrooms.  We opened windows, got B to sleep and now I don't want to add more heat to the house by having the computer on too long.  ;o)  

We tell each other "I love you" several times each and every day.  Not "love you", not "love ya", but "I love you".  Just like in Reason #4 when I described how we touch each other daily, we also purposefully and meaningfully say "I love you".  We can do this because we talk to each other throughout the day, even when he is at work.  Neither one of us can go very long without talking to our BFF.  :o)  And it's important to hear it regularly, even though you know it.  Especially when you are not at you best.

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

Saturday, July 21, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons Why The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21


#21: Sometimes we'll argue via email or Facebook messages.  

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am a professional fighter; I learned from the best, my mom.  And when I let my temper get out of hand, I get irrational, ugly, dirty.  No one is going to listen to what I say when I cross the stark, raving, mad bitch line.  When a disagreement starts to escalate, I will now walk away and start typing.  Now, I am not talking about having the argument over text message.  That is still instant back-and-forth, in the heat of the moment; you might as well be face-to-face.

I'm talking about being at your computer (or on your mobile device), in a separate room, and typing out an email or a Facebook message.  That way there is no yelling, ugly faces, wagging fingers or invading personal space.  I can get all my "talking" points down, without being interrupted.  The hubs has the power to read my email or message whenever he wants to, which is empowering.  That's a luxury I never afforded him early on in our relationship.  When I wanted a fight, I would follow him around the house, out of the house, call him at work (that is the worst thing to do to the other, BTW), hound him with my words and screaming and he had no place to hide.  Now he can read it when I send it or not.  He can read it multiple times and mull over what I've said before responding.  And he's a muller.  He needs time to absorb, think and come to conclusions.

And I'm OK with him not sending an immediate response.  I was able to get out everything I wanted to say and by the time I hit "Send", I'm pretty much calmed down.  And if I think of more points to back up my side of the issue, I just send another message with them in it.  This is so freeing and rewarding for me!  A verbal argument can go on and on and not be as productive as you'd like because you'll get tuned out or you've brought up so many points that most except the last one or two can even be remembered.  By sending him a message, I  know that the hubs will "hear" everything I wanted him to because it's all there in black and white!  Every single point is laid out and he can review as many times as he wants and he'll do it when he is calm and ready and receptive.

As irrational as humans can get when we argue, we are rational enough to know that every argument is not going to end with a "winner" and a "loser".  Most of the times, we argue because we don't feel that we've been heard, feel the other is not even listening to our need or complaint.  And let's face it, it's pretty hard to listen to the need or complaint when it's being yelled at you by a stark, raving, mad bitch who's in your face and may or may not be breaking things in the process.  ;o)  By arguing through email or Facebook messages, we can trust that the other one has "heard" us.  Nine times out of ten, I'm the one sending my whole Powerpoint presentation to him with all my reasons, rationals, market research and proposed outcome*.  And nine times out of ten, the only reply I'll receive is the one I needed the most: "Ah.  I get it.  I hear you now.  I understand."  Followed by hugs and apologies all around.


Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31


* I'm using creative licensing in this sentence.  I don't actually put together a Powerpoint presentation and include market research.  LOL