Blogging Neglect

I have been so bad about blogging. I used to keep a blog regularly – several times a week; sometimes several times a day if I had a lot on my mind. But for the past 2 years, I have Facebook’d instead. I probably have the longest FB statuses of any of my friends, b/c I am trying to put a blog post in that limited character space. But I really am a blogger at heart. Even though I don’t practice Catholicism anymore, I think I should give up FB for Lent this year. Maybe that would get me in the habit of blogging again. Although, I would still want to get on FB and check out what everyone ELSE had to say, even if I chose not to say anything. The main reason I wanted to blog is that my “mommy brain” has continued for the past 8+ years and I need to record the cute/funny/precious things my son says and does before I forget them. And so I can blackmail him with them later in his life. ;o)

If I think about it, I can’t solely blame FB for my lack of blogging. There are 2 other reasons. The 1st one is that I used to have a private blog. My blog was only accessible to a select group of friends whom I trusted and knew I could vent to and talk to about anything and anyone. Something happened to cause me to cut access to all the viewers of my private blog. I will not go into the reason here b/c this blog is now public and readable by anyone, including the one who caused me to cut access to the private blog. But once I no longer had an “audience”, I lost interest in blogging. Isn’t that weird or, conceited? Without someone to entertain, I lost all interest in jotting my thoughts, experiences and stories down. I thought it was quite the insight into how I tick…or maybe a better way to say it is how I felt validated…

The 2nd reason for my lack of blogging…I…am ashamed to say I cannot remember! DAMN! See what I mean about mommy brain continuing FAR BEYOND the norm?! I, honestly, think it is the Alzheimer’s that runs in my family. The hubs does not like me to say that b/c I can imagine how hard it would be for him to think about me going through that. But I really think it is. When I was a young child, I watched my grandfather go through it, rather quickly, while my mom assisted in his care. My mom is now taking care of one of her older sisters going through it. For over 20 years, I feared the day that I would discover my mom had it. The hubs can tell you he’s known of this fear since he met me. Now I realize that, no matter how hard that would be for me to handle, I could do it and I would do it. Just like Malynn took care of Shelby in the hospital in Steel Magnolias. (BTW, I believe Steel Magnolias is to women what The Godfather is to men.) What scares me more now, is my husband and child having to endure ME going through it.

Wow! I finally decide to start blogging again and it is such a downer! I will mos def lose whatever readers I may have had! Well, at least if no one reads this, it will kinda be like a private blog and I can talk about anything and anyone again… ;o)

You know what?! I think I have actually been talking about the 2nd reason I stopped blogging – I can’t remember anything I want to say when I actually have the time to sit down and blog. Phew! Maybe this homeschooling thing has been able to exercise my brain enough to remember more. :o)