Your Period - Yes, There's an App for That

A friend of mine and I and our kids spent the day together Monday. We visited a place that was an hour to an hour an a half away, the kids mostly entertained each other in the car and my friend and I got to talk during the ride. As it is with most women, there are no taboo topics and we eventually got on subject of our periods.  My friend told me about the period app she uses.  I had no idea one existed and never thought to go look for one.  Like most apps, she said there was a free version, that provided everything she needed, and a paid version with extra bells and whistles. You can input when it starts, stops, flow levels, pain levels, cravings, etc. And, once you start tracking your period in it, it will predict when your period will arrive for the next 12 months!  I went to the App Store and downloaded it right there in the car so I wouldn't forget.  Later that night, I sat down with my wall calendar and entered into the app the start dates of my periods this year so far - that is the ones I remembered to mark on my calendar.

According to my calculations, my period was due this past Monday, the 15th; based on the info I've entered, however, this app tells me I was due Tuesday the 16th. Pa-tay-toe, pa-ta-doe. So late Tuesday morning, B and I are working on American History and we both here this musical, "TA-DA!" from somewhere in the house. :o/  B asked what it was and I had no idea. "You must have made a new noise on your phone and forgot you did it," said B with a sigh. Obviously, the child has long suffered with my memory issues and knows better than me. ;o)

So I went looking for my phone and, sure enough, there was a push notification from the new app - "Your period is due today - yeah!"  Um. OK. I have lived with stage IV endometriosis for 30 years that has planted roots in my bladder, uterus and intestines, preventing doctors from removing it, causing excruciating pain during my periods and infertility.  But let's go with "yeah!"  Twenty-four hours later, my period, strangely, still hadn't come, so I hadn't indicated anything within the app. My phone, therefore, emitted another musical sound. I can't tell if the sound was more "Ta-Da?" Or "Um, hello?", but it was probably thinking, "This rookie just needs a little reminder to check in with me and we'll be just fine."

This morning, that app meant business. Around 11am, the house was blasted with, "Dum, dum, DUUUUUUUUUM!!!"  I find my phone and it says, "Holy shit, you' re three days late! Do you have ANY idea what this means?! This is NOT funny. If you've gotten your period already, for the love of God enter it into the app!!!"  OK, it didn't really say that, but I felt that's what it was saying, between the music, the push notification and the exclamation point. I wonder what tomorrow will bring - a big, red dot banging on the front door with a marching band and a pregnancy test?  :-P