Random Things Heard In Our House Over The Last Week

I've been using a new line of skincare and I love how soft and smooth my skin is now.
Me: Feel my neck.
The hubs (Poking my neck): What's wrong with it?
Me: Nothing.  Just feel it.  Run your hands up and down it.  Isn't it smooth?
The hubs: Yeah.  Did you shave?

B: *sigh* I wish I could eat sprinkles right out of the box.
The hubs: There's only one thing stopping you, you know.
B: My mother, the arch-nemesis of sweets.

The hubs absolutely hates ceiling lights.
Me: Would you like me to turn off that light over you?
The hubs: It might be difficult to turn off; it's a halo.  *bats eyelashes*

Me to the hubs: I swear to God if you create an Alex P. Keaton in our son, I will hurt you.

Me: Please tell me you washed the rosemary before putting it in your compound butter!
The hubs: I washed the rosemary before putting it in the compound butter.
Me: You washed and dried it? I don't see the paper towels you used to dry it.
The hubs: I...didn't dry it.
Me: (Walk over to the remaining rosemary on the cutting board and feel it.) It's dry.  You didn't wash the rosemary!
The hubs: You just said to tell you I'd washed the rosemary...

B: Oh, I love the Ellen DeGenerate Show!

A friend and her 2 daughters stayed with us for 3 days.  After the first couple of hours of them being here, B said to me with conviction....
B: Yup.  I'm gonna love living with them.