He REALLY Knows How To Get Me

The other night I was putting B down, and we had this conversation:

B: Do you want to have a sleepover in my room tonight?
Me: I can't tonight, baby.  I still have to shower and wash clothes before I can go to bed.
B: Come sleepover after you do all that.
Me: Why?  I wouldn't be with you when you fell asleep.  I know you don't like falling asleep alone.  You wouldn't even know that I came back into the room.
B: But you'd be the first thing I saw when I woke up tomorrow.  That's why.

He had the most angelic look on his face when he said that!  He wasn't trying to con me; he was serious.  I told this story to my mom this afternoon and she said, "Holy cow! Does he really know how to get you or what!" She laughed.  Then she said, "But seriously, he is amazing and it's because of his parents.  You two are doing an amazing job raising that boy with so much love.  You're wonderful parents."

I'm tearing up now typing that.  Validation from your own parent, no matter how good or how bad a parent they were to you, means more, I think, than validation from just about any other source.  I know I reap what I sow in B and I beat myself up over all the wrong/bad/negative/imperfect things I do that will affect him for the rest of his life.  But my mom made me realize that I am good, I am a good person, I am a good mother.  The seeds we sow each and every day in our son are not bought at the store nor created in a lab.  They are our seeds; they are pieces of us that we sow in our son.  What and who he is is a reflection of what and who we are.  Yes, ownership is on us for things he does that hurt/shock/insult/embarrass others.  But we also own every complement/admiration/laugh/wonder he receives.  There are so many more of the latter than the former.

We are amazing parents, proudly raising this amazing boy with love, laughter, thoughtfulness, all the best that is in us, because this amazing boy, this gift from God, shows us the way.  Yes, we reap what we sow and the hubs and I are, evidently, pretty damn good seeds.

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25

#25 If you have kids, they have to know, by example, that they are not the center of your universe.  

(I can't believe I am on my last week of reasons!)

We are a husband and wife, in addition to being parents, and the first is just as important as the second. We need time together without B, whether it be for a conversation, and evening out or an overnight away.  B's wants cannot override needs of mine, the hubs', the family's or the home's and we as adults make those decisions, decide on the priorities, not B.  How many times have you seen another family interacting and thought, "Just who is the parent here and who is the child?" or "Just who is in charge in that family?"

We adults need to charge our batteries by getting out by ourselves or as a couple.  Moms Night Outs and Dads Night Outs are great for that!  As well as making sure you and your partner go out on dates.

Here's another, simple example.  Ben has struggled with interrupting people when he has something to say.  I have always made him wait his turn or until there was a break in my conversation to address him.  I ignored his...

...and hold up my index finger as a signal for him to wait.  Now, when he was 2 - 6 yrs old, that finger didn't mean anything to him or didn't stop him all the time, so sometimes I'd have to interrupt my conversation to tell him to wait.  But now, he gets it.  He's now coming up to me or whomever he wants to talk to and stands there patiently until someone takes a breath.  ;o)  Or he starts talking and then realizes we are in the middle of something.  He'll stop himself, say "Sorry" and wait until he is addressed.  We give him positive feedback for that!

When the hubs comes home for work, sometimes B and I compete for his attention.  We're both happy to see him, we both have things to tell him and we have been known to attack him at the front door.  The hubs greets both of us and then tells B to wait a moment, hold your thoughts, I'll be with you in one minute, but Mommy needs to talk to me first.  That's a huge, important statement to be made to our child.  It wasn't always the case, though...

Because I get all day with B and the hubs did not, he used to be in the habit of interrupting me and turning his attention to B when B wanted it or to discipline B.  Err, that annoyed me!  That showed B he was always more important than me.  The hubs wasn't trying to undermine me or be rude, he just missed his boy and didn't want B to feel like he was unimportant or being ignored.  Thankfully, the hubs was able to find balance and respect for all of us.  :o)

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #1

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #2

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #3

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #4

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #5

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #6

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #7

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #8

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31