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I am a very lucky woman with a husband and son who are smart, witty and entertaining. Our son, B, attended public school for two years, and then we embarked on a new adventure in the Fall of 2010 - homeschooling. We don't have all the answers, but we know B and this has been the best thing for him. I blog to preserve our stories and our memories, share recipes, vent and ramble on about our crazy, yet blessed, life. Would you care to follow along?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #1



It's July.  It's hot.  Lots of family vacations going on.  People are stuck in cars, stuck in hotel rooms, stuck in relatives' houses, stuck without power due to a Summer storm.  Fuses are short, someone's not doing what you expect them to do, someone's being a martyr and not asking for help, tempers flare, arguments happen.  So I felt this was the perfect time of the year for a month-long series on how the hubs and I have stayed together.  I have been thinking about it ever since I put up a short post in the beginning of May, One of the Secrets to a Successful Marriage in Our Home.  It was short and to the point and I posted it because the hubs and I had had a spat, and like most spats here, I started it.  But it was over quickly because a particular action took place and I wanted to share it while it was on my mind.  Here is the entire post:

"Apologize.  And make sure the same person isn't always the one apologizing first.  You don't have to apologize for your opinion/belief/stance as long as you believe in your heart that you are correct.  But you do have to apologize for your tone/defensiveness/nastiness that contributed to the argument and any subsequent off-topic tangent you may have dragged into the argument.  Couples are known for not staying on topic and dragging up all kinds of supposed dead and buried issues!  LOL"

That's it!  I told you it was short!  That night in bed, I wondered if I'd be able to expand on the secrets of how in the world we are still together.  We'd known a couple or two who had divorced before, but with the state of this country's economy over the last few years, couples we know seem to be dropping like flies but our marriage just keeps getting stronger.  So I grabbed a pad of paper and sat down to come up with a month full of reasons.  Within 10 minutes I had 20 of them down and then ran out of ideas.  I wasn't discouraged; I knew the rest would come to me.  And five weeks later, when I finally found that gosh darn pad of paper again, I was able to jot down the last eleven reasons.

Each day this month, I will be sharing a reason with you and maybe a story to go along with it (if the hubs approves of said appropriate story!).  I hope you can learn from our mistakes and I hope you share your reasons with me, too.  So, here we go!


#1: We've been through a lot of major issues/problems that couples can face and we've survived.  Together, we have proven to each other that we can face anything thrown at us or created by us, because we already have.

  • We've moved in with my parents, twice.  
  • We've moved 10 times in the last 17 years.  Moving is a huge test of a marriage!  Especially since 3 of those 10 we did without the help of professional movers.
  • He'd never argued with a girlfriend before; I was a professional fighter.  
  • He grew up in a Quaker home with parents who never argued.  If they disagreed on an issue, they sat down, held hands and discussed it calmly.  If they could come to no agreement, they simply did not discuss the subject again.  I grew up in a Catholic home with a screaming, professional fighter for a mom and a quiet, passive-aggressive dad who refused to give my mom what she wanted - a fight back.  This made her even more angry and provided the fighting  example I ran with in my marriage.  (More on this one later in the month).
  • We were on complete opposite ends of the financial habits scale and did not meet in the middle until 2 years ago.
  • We struggled with infertility for 6 years before B was born and have continued to struggle for the  almost 10 years since.
  • We're parents.  That alone can ruin a marriage.  ;o)
  • Home repairs and furniture assembly - together.
  • The hubs was in Iraq for B's 5th birthday, our 11th wedding anniversary and his own 40th birthday.  The stress of the danger he was in, as well as the adjustment to coming home, was tough.
  • I had a high risk pregnancy and there were no documented cases of my particular situation in medicine for my doctors to consult.  Therefore, they had to make up my treatment plan as they went along and hope it worked out.  Men are "fixers" and it killed the hubs that he could do nothing but stand by, hope and pray.
  • Since B was in utero, he has had medical problems.  Hospitals, specialists, ambulance rides, tests, treatments, medications, occupational therapy, etc.  Not being able to "cure" your son of everything, just having to stay up with him, try to make him as comfortable as possible and hold him while it runs it's course several times a year is maddening and can make you turn on each other.   Oh, and all of that has to be done while remaining calm and positive so as not to freak out your child!   Thankfully, B has gotten healthier and healthier every year since he turned 5, but any sneeze, cough, pain, tiredness, complaint will still stop the hubs heart.
  • The struggle of B in public school for kindergarten and 1st grade, deciding to homeschool, discovering B's learning style and our own teaching styles and, most importantly, finding that delicate balance between discipline/appropriate behavior and honoring who B is.  Trial and error is tough, especially since kids change as soon as you figure out how they work!
  • We've struggled financially.
There have been other, more personal issues we have dealt with, as well.  Some lighter than those listed, some darker.  But no matter what comes along, we'd rather face them together then to go through life apart.


Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31

3 comments:

  1. P.S. - when I read this to the hubs before publishing, he said, "I never counted them all up. 10 times?! Wow, that's amazing since we have lived in this house for 4 years and we owned a house for 5 years."

    Yup. That's a lot of moving.

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  2. Can't wait to read this series! I hear it I'm your voice as I see the type and I know it will be fantastic!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, CA! Feel free to share. ;o)

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