SERIES: 31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29

#29: We have been willing to change for each other.

We took and continue to take our vows seriously:

• To Love
• Honor
• Obey
• 'Till Death Do Us Part

That last one does not seem to be valued much in our current disposable culture.  Till death.  Not till I get bored, not till I find someone better, not till it gets hard, not till we hit a "slump" in the bedroom, not till you intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, and not till my friends or family no longer like you.

We were both in our 20s when we got married.  The people we were then were not the people we became in our 30s nor the people we are now in our 40s.  As individuals, it's normal to grow, mature, make mistakes and learn lessons from them as we get older.  But we both had certain preconceived notions, habits, character traits that were toxic to our relationship.  We've been willing to change them to make the other happy, provide the other with peace of mind, have a healthier relationship and love, honor and obey till death do us part.

As you know from reading earlier reasons, I've had to stop fighting dirty, let go of the need to always be right and keep my mouth shut when the urge to criticize arises.  I've also had to back off and give the hubs his personal physical and mental space when needed and realize that no matter of nagging, begging, yelling nor threatening could make someone quit smoking.

The hubs had to open up and start communicating, tell me what he was thinking and feeling, ask me what I really meant or thought instead of making assumptions, quit smoking, include me in certain decisions and accept that things would not make him happy long-term.

I think one of the biggest changes you can make to ensure the survival and success of your marriage is to give up the list of "deal breakers".  That  list of situations you believe would cause you to leave.  "If he cheated on me, it'd be over!"  You can't make sweeping statements like that.  You really have no idea how you would react, outside of the pain and anger everyone would feel, until you find yourself in that situation.  So throw out the list of situations and it's automatic reactions or punishments.  Meet each situation, challenge, disappointment, betrayal head-on, together, with an open, albeit broken, heart and mind.

Don't miss any posts in this series:

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #1

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #2

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #3

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #4

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #5

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #6

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #7

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #8

31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #9
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #10
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #11
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #12
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #13
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #14
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #15
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #16
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #17
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #18
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #19
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #20
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #21
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #22
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #23
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #24
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #25
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #26
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #27
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #28
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #29
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #30
31 Reasons The Hubs and I Have Lasted 17 Years, #31